Funny Face

Every time you’re at my place
you burn a shadow on my face.
I don’t want to say I need you,
but my scars they ache to see you.

Every time I’m all alone
I read those messages on my phone.
I listen to Flower by Liz Phair,
and imagine your hands are tangled in my hair.

Every time I go down town
I fantasize that we’re the only ones around.
At the end, my heart it races,
and I make those funny faces.

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THINK OF THIS IN NAVY AND INDIGO WITH HINTS OF MAGENTA

Head over heels.
Fallen for a feeling I knew I never should.
My mind
is all askew.
Head over heels.

Actions out of spite.
Reacting to the things I never thought I would.
You’re someone
I wish I never knew.
Actions out of spite.

Sober state of mind.
Remember when this was the way it was by default?

Forgotten train of thought.
I took a wrong turn now I’m lost in plain sight.

In the city
without you.

In the blue
without you.

Bright lights. Dead inside.
i’ll take this road
it’s something new.

A mind like pesticide.
Try to scrape together
a dollar or two.

My mind is all askew.
You’re someone I wish I never knew.

My mind is all askew.
I take another turn, I’ll get lost into
the blue
without you.

In the city
without you.

 

GHOSTS OF YESTERDAY

I know you
and your hesitations.
Sometimes i need you in the middle of the night.
But in your bedroom
you just
hide.

Anxiety
eats at you like an infection.
Sometimes I just need you to stand up and fight.
But from the ghosts
you just
hide.

I’m moving on
from the ghosts of yesterday.
Take my hand.
Together we can run away.

Can’t you understand
tomorrow is just a few blocks away.
And I couldn’t bare
if you were to fade away.

Autosave-File vom d-lab2/3 der AgfaPhoto GmbH

The Stranger’s Hand (2)

Rethink your notions,
your wicked motions.
Drink my potion.
Feel my lotion
seep deep into your skin.

I will touch you.
I will turn you.
I will taunt you.
You will stare into my eyes
until our thoughts are synchronized.

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A Boy Like Me

Autosave-File vom d-lab2/3 der AgfaPhoto GmbH

 

I’m a mess of a boy with nothing going on,
but that’s alright with me.
I never cut my hair or shave my face,
but that’s okay.

I won’t throw stones or break your bones.
These words were made for healing.
And if you ever catch a glimpse of a visual hiss,
just know it means nothing.

Continue reading “A Boy Like Me”

THE HISS & THE THUD

Mothers always love me,

but fathers never do.

Because they know my secret,

because they know the truth,

because they’ve seen every inch of what a boy can do.

 

I want the nice boys to love me.

I want the nice boys to hate me.

I want the nice boys to reach out,

to touch me,

to know me.

 

I want them to take me home.

I want to meet their parents

I want to weave my way into their lives,

like a parasite.

Like an infection.

 

Here I am, here I am.

All you were to me was another score on the board.

Here I am, with a hiss, with a thud.

The mess you made has finally come undone.

 

 

My Father is a runner.

My Mother likes to hide.

And My Brother likes to think

That we can’t see in between

All of his lies.

 

Lonely people love me.

This I know is true.

Whether it’s grandparents, stoners,

Or the man down the street

Who only wants to screw.

 

Am I the son he never had?

Am I the Brother he always hated?

Or, am I the Father who never loved him

Who always abused

And degraded?

 

Here I am, here I am.

My Father’s baby boy. My daddy’s little whore.

Here I am, with a hiss, with a thud.

The mess you made has finally come undone.

 

 

Sometimes I feel like

the living breathing epitome of ennui

Trapped in my own existential hell.

My only company are the mirrors reflection,

and the ghosts on TV.

 

Staring at the boy across from me.

The one who looks, walks, and talks like me.

I study every line, and find no sanity.

Watching as the last traces of my mentality

Drip out from the back of my brain, and finally escape me.

 

Now I just lay here shouting

“YAS QUEEN! YAS QUEEN!”

At the grim reaper

As that harbinger of death

Comes tap tap tapping at my door.

 

Here I am, here I am.

I’m just another fucking stain on this rental house floor.

Here I am, with a hiss, with a thud.

The mess you made has finally come undone.

Autosave-File vom d-lab2/3 der AgfaPhoto GmbH
Autosave-File vom d-lab2/3 der AgfaPhoto GmbH

UNDER THE MONIKER

“rip me apart

and put me back together again

i won’t mind

i’ll let you do it again, and again”

 

A playlist of things I’ve found scattered throughout my journals has been updated.