Cocaine Angst





Why wont you whisper in my ear

the things I always wanted

you to say?


See your face,

but I can’t touch you.

Hear your voice,

and I still crumble.



I had that cocaine angst,

you had my cigar smoke

in your face.

I’m so sorry

that I always get like this

in my bliss.



I only took a sip,

but you gave me a

hella good



Despite the warning signs,

I let you drive me

out of my mind.



I have a tendency to drain the blood from the little lamb.


Lick my lips

to taste that innocence.


Look at you

distorted on my bed.



Fucking hell.

I’ve done it again.

Autosave-File vom d-lab2/3 der AgfaPhoto GmbH
Autosave-File vom d-lab2/3 der AgfaPhoto GmbH




5am, and we’re still awake.

Sitting in my front yard,

rolling messy joints.


“Is that fucking blunt, mate?

Or a bit of origami?”


The birds were chirping, telling us to shut the fuck up.

But, we were too busy reminiscing

about the night before.


I’ve gotta leave for work in an hour,

but I’m a little preoccupied

just floating up here.





We ate a pack of Tic Tac’s at our mate Ric’s place.

We talked about life, and the mess we made.

And, I thought to myself,


We’ve got so much time to clean it all up.”


Hentai, Costco, and a conversation about anal,

or two.

Tell me, why am I so comfortable with you?


My mind is my favourite book.

Old, tattered, and stained in wine.

Laying at the bottom of my tote bag.


I’d only lend it to these two.


I told them about James, and the shit he did.

I told them about my Dad, about life back home, and about that guy I dated.

The one with the really big dick.


There’s not one part of me I wouldn’t let them read.




5am, and we’re still awake.

Running ’round in circles at the local park.


The sun starts to rise,

and we’re up here, sitting side by side with him.





Fucked up on red wine,
barely a familiar face in sight,
we were at that party on that October night.

I lost my will, I lost my mentality,
when I looked across the room
and i saw your eyes.

I remember your smile,
so smug, so sly.
That look across your face, after you made me and that feminist cry.

Despite the things you did,
despite the things you said,
I’ll always fall for the guy who makes me question my mind.

When the hipsters paired off.
When the stoners fell asleep.
I walked you home, not long after midnight.

On an empty street,
we walked among the silence.
Just you and I, and the fucking moonlight.

Without a single word,
without a hint of sanity,
without a single breath, I took the dive.

I took you by the hand.
You took me by the throat.
You made me feel like nothing, yet I came alive.

Why’d you have to go?
Why’d you have to lie?
My pants around my ankles, as I watched the sun rise.


Emma Bunton

I can’t help but remember us the way I do.

You’re a neck,

and I’m a noose.

Even though you’d say you don’t think that way.

Deep down inside,

we all know you really do.

What I am

is what I am.

My mind always seems to  drift away,

just right now I’ve begun to stray.

I don’t even want to finish this sentence.

I just wanna chill and listen to Emma Bunton.



WITHIN TEMPTATION [aka gldn boi]


Midnight town.
Golden boy.
Man in a mask.

There’s a place.
We both know. Deep.
At the back of the park.

I am light.
Hear my cries.
I seek dark.

I’m no saint.
Wears an angel’s mask.

Take your time.
Take my mind.
Take my flesh.

Never stop.
Let’s get lost. Deep.
Within temptation.

Throw me down.
Spit the blood.
On the ground.

Wipe my tears.
Stain my face.
Tar on porcelain.

Hold me down.
Dig your teeth. Deep.
Into my chest.

Bleeding hearts.
Speak no lies.
Don’t you know?

Scream out loud.
Hear the pleasure.
In my voice.

Grip my throat.
Silence the voice. Deep.
In my mind.

Don’t slow down.
Take me over.
Take control.

Don’t let go.
I need to know.
That you’re here.

Loosen your grip.
I breathe lies. Deep.
Into my lungs.

You’re a flame.
Like a moth.
Can’t resist.

Reality is calling,
Don’t pick up.

Cover my eyes.
I’m at home. Deep.
In the dark.
Never leave.
I’m at home. Deep.
Within your grip.

See no light.
I come alive.
Am I dead?

Who are you?
Where’s the light?
Where am I?

You are gone.
The light is gone.
Where am I?

Dirt stained clothes.
Dirt stained hands.
Dirt stained mind.

Open my eyes.
Dust my hands.
Feel the light.

See no truth.
See no lies.
Start again.



Everyone else was strolling, but I rushed along the peer.
Couples, hand in hand, Mothers pushing their children in prams.
Joggers passing by, two by two, then three, then one, then another two.
They strolled with intent. I rushed without purpose.
I was going nowhere, fast.
It was 9 o’clock at night, but there were people everywhere. You would never see this many people in one place where I come from. Not at this time, anyways.
Where I’m from, people are all the same. Clones. Drones. Blank canvasses. They were blissfully ignorant.
I felt like I was becoming one of them, that’s why I left. I didn’t want to be another empty, mindless doll.
I still feel like that. I still feel empty. But I’d rather feel empty here, than there.
That’s probably why I come here every night. Rushing amongst the people, with their purpose, and me without mine.
Searching for something, someone, anyone, or anything.
The lights on the buildings across the water reminded me of myself.
Not who I am, but who I should be.
Where I should be.
The lights were there, across the water, guiding me to myself.
I was on a pathless journey to myself.
I knew what I was. I knew where I was. I just didn’t know how to get there.
I am here, but my mind is over there.
I am here, but I was over there.
I wanted to be here, but I was there.
I am here, over there.
Here, over there.
I am here. I need to get there.
I get to the bridge, and make my way across it. Making my way closer.
Closer to the lights.
Closer to the city.
Closer to myself.
Close, but not close enough.
I continued rushing. Making my way passed the people going in the opposite direction.
Two by two, hand in hand. Group by group.
I didn’t take notice of the ones. They reminded me too much of myself.
This one.
But I wasn’t even that.
I was closer to zero.


Funny Face

Every time you’re at my place
you burn a shadow on my face.
I don’t want to say I need you,
but my scars they ache to see you.

Every time I’m all alone
I read those messages on my phone.
I listen to Flower by Liz Phair,
and imagine your hands are tangled in my hair.

Every time I go down town
I fantasize that we’re the only ones around.
At the end, my heart it races,
and I make those funny faces.


Head over heels.
Fallen for a feeling I knew I never should.
My mind
is all askew.
Head over heels.

Actions out of spite.
Reacting to the things I never thought I would.
You’re someone
I wish I never knew.
Actions out of spite.

Sober state of mind.
Remember when this was the way it was by default?

Forgotten train of thought.
I took a wrong turn now I’m lost in plain sight.

In the city
without you.

In the blue
without you.

Bright lights. Dead inside.
i’ll take this road
it’s something new.

A mind like pesticide.
Try to scrape together
a dollar or two.

My mind is all askew.
You’re someone I wish I never knew.

My mind is all askew.
I take another turn, I’ll get lost into
the blue
without you.

In the city
without you.