Cocaine Angst

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Why wont you whisper in my ear

the things I always wanted

you to say?

 

See your face,

but I can’t touch you.

Hear your voice,

and I still crumble.

 

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I had that cocaine angst,

you had my cigar smoke

in your face.

I’m so sorry

that I always get like this

in my bliss.

 

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I only took a sip,

but you gave me a

hella good

trip.

 

Despite the warning signs,

I let you drive me

out of my mind.

THE BODY OF THE BOY

I have a tendency to drain the blood from the little lamb.

 

Lick my lips

to taste that innocence.

 

Look at you

distorted on my bed.

 

 

Fucking hell.

I’ve done it again.

Autosave-File vom d-lab2/3 der AgfaPhoto GmbH
Autosave-File vom d-lab2/3 der AgfaPhoto GmbH

THE BOYS

PART 1

 

5am, and we’re still awake.

Sitting in my front yard,

rolling messy joints.

 

“Is that fucking blunt, mate?

Or a bit of origami?”

 

The birds were chirping, telling us to shut the fuck up.

But, we were too busy reminiscing

about the night before.

 

I’ve gotta leave for work in an hour,

but I’m a little preoccupied

just floating up here.

 

PART 2

 

 

We ate a pack of Tic Tac’s at our mate Ric’s place.

We talked about life, and the mess we made.

And, I thought to myself,

“Shit.

We’ve got so much time to clean it all up.”

 

Hentai, Costco, and a conversation about anal,

or two.

Tell me, why am I so comfortable with you?

 

My mind is my favourite book.

Old, tattered, and stained in wine.

Laying at the bottom of my tote bag.

 

I’d only lend it to these two.

 

I told them about James, and the shit he did.

I told them about my Dad, about life back home, and about that guy I dated.

The one with the really big dick.

 

There’s not one part of me I wouldn’t let them read.

 

PART 3

 

5am, and we’re still awake.

Running ’round in circles at the local park.

 

The sun starts to rise,

and we’re up here, sitting side by side with him.

 

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FITZROY FKRZ

 

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“It’s a bar, and it’s an alternative art gallery. I love this concept. It’s. So. Now.”

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“New year, new me. Right?”

“I fkn h8 u.”

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“I love art. What’s your cheapest drink? Will you stock my zine? It’s like queer themed poetry, with a sprinkling of outsider art throughout. I don’t know what outsider art is, I just love that term. No, I’m not gay, but I love that concept.”

 

 

I TOOK THE DIVE

Fucked up on red wine,
barely a familiar face in sight,
we were at that party on that October night.

I lost my will, I lost my mentality,
when I looked across the room
and i saw your eyes.

I remember your smile,
so smug, so sly.
That look across your face, after you made me and that feminist cry.

Despite the things you did,
despite the things you said,
I’ll always fall for the guy who makes me question my mind.

When the hipsters paired off.
When the stoners fell asleep.
I walked you home, not long after midnight.

On an empty street,
we walked among the silence.
Just you and I, and the fucking moonlight.

Without a single word,
without a hint of sanity,
without a single breath, I took the dive.

I took you by the hand.
You took me by the throat.
You made me feel like nothing, yet I came alive.

Why’d you have to go?
Why’d you have to lie?
My pants around my ankles, as I watched the sun rise.

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Emma Bunton

I can’t help but remember us the way I do.

You’re a neck,

and I’m a noose.

Even though you’d say you don’t think that way.

Deep down inside,

we all know you really do.

What I am

is what I am.

My mind always seems to  drift away,

just right now I’ve begun to stray.

I don’t even want to finish this sentence.

I just wanna chill and listen to Emma Bunton.

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WITHIN TEMPTATION [aka gldn boi]

 

Midnight town.
Golden boy.
Man in a mask.

There’s a place.
We both know. Deep.
At the back of the park.

I am light.
Hear my cries.
I seek dark.

I’m no saint.
Beelzebub.
Wears an angel’s mask.

Take your time.
Take my mind.
Take my flesh.

Never stop.
Let’s get lost. Deep.
Within temptation.

Throw me down.
Spit the blood.
On the ground.

Wipe my tears.
Stain my face.
Tar on porcelain.

Hold me down.
Dig your teeth. Deep.
Into my chest.

Bleeding hearts.
Speak no lies.
Don’t you know?

Scream out loud.
Hear the pleasure.
In my voice.

Grip my throat.
Silence the voice. Deep.
In my mind.

Don’t slow down.
Take me over.
Take control.

Don’t let go.
I need to know.
That you’re here.

Loosen your grip.
I breathe lies. Deep.
Into my lungs.

You’re a flame.
Like a moth.
Can’t resist.

Illumination.
Reality is calling,
Don’t pick up.

Cover my eyes.
I’m at home. Deep.
In the dark.
Never leave.
I’m at home. Deep.
Within your grip.

See no light.
I come alive.
Am I dead?

Who are you?
Where’s the light?
Where am I?

You are gone.
The light is gone.
Where am I?

Dirt stained clothes.
Dirt stained hands.
Dirt stained mind.

Open my eyes.
Dust my hands.
Feel the light.

See no truth.
See no lies.
Start again.

HERE, OVER THERE

 

Everyone else was strolling, but I rushed along the peer.
Couples, hand in hand, Mothers pushing their children in prams.
Joggers passing by, two by two, then three, then one, then another two.
They strolled with intent. I rushed without purpose.
I was going nowhere, fast.
It was 9 o’clock at night, but there were people everywhere. You would never see this many people in one place where I come from. Not at this time, anyways.
Where I’m from, people are all the same. Clones. Drones. Blank canvasses. They were blissfully ignorant.
I felt like I was becoming one of them, that’s why I left. I didn’t want to be another empty, mindless doll.
I still feel like that. I still feel empty. But I’d rather feel empty here, than there.
That’s probably why I come here every night. Rushing amongst the people, with their purpose, and me without mine.
Searching.
Searching for something, someone, anyone, or anything.
The lights on the buildings across the water reminded me of myself.
Not who I am, but who I should be.
Where I should be.
The lights were there, across the water, guiding me to myself.
I was on a pathless journey to myself.
I knew what I was. I knew where I was. I just didn’t know how to get there.
I am here, but my mind is over there.
I am here, but I was over there.
I wanted to be here, but I was there.
I am here, over there.
Here, over there.
I am here. I need to get there.
I get to the bridge, and make my way across it. Making my way closer.
Closer to the lights.
Closer to the city.
Closer to myself.
Close, but not close enough.
I continued rushing. Making my way passed the people going in the opposite direction.
Two by two, hand in hand. Group by group.
I didn’t take notice of the ones. They reminded me too much of myself.
This one.
But I wasn’t even that.
I was closer to zero.

 

STAY (a Collection of Words About Love)

‘Stay’ is a collection of a bunch of pieces I’ve written over the last couple of years, all of which are about love. Love for a boy, love for a best friend, love for life, the loss of a loved one, anything love. This is as sappy I’ll probably ever get.

 

The Boy (1)

You can call me baby, and I will call you daddy.

We won’t be lovers til the end, but honey you’ll do, for a night or two.

And, I’ll say I want you, but you bare no reminder.

To the boy I used to know.

 

Words About Love

No, I don’t want to talk about it, there are better things to do than talk about love.

And, I don’t want to think about it. These thoughts keep coming, but I just keep on running.

 

Why We Are

I’ve been thinking about her lately. I always think about her, but now it’s different.

I guess I’ve been thinking more about us, or whatever that means.

Us. Me and her. She and I. Who we are apart and together and everything in between.

Why we are the way we are. Why she is the way she is, and why I am the same.

How the lives of two people, two people who are almost complete opposites have come together like this.

An almost perfect fit.

There is something inside of her mind. Something that shouldn’t be there, but it is. She knows what it is, and she wants to survive.

There is something missing from mine, leaving me meaningless and hollow inside.

Sometimes it’s a struggle to make it through the night, but I have meaning when she’s on my mind.

 

The Hill

And we were there, up on that hill, hand in hand, staring down at the darkness.

The city was nothing, just a sea of lights in the distance.

The people around us were slowly fading, their voices were nothing but incomprehensible whispers.

It was getting late, and your mind was leaving, and my heart was bleeding, and the lights in the distance were slowly disappearing.

But, for a moment, it was only us.

Hand in hand, staring down at the darkness, and there was nothing else in the world that mattered.

And I wished that we could have stayed forever, up on that hill, hand in hand.

And I wished that we could have stayed forever, but we had to let go.

 

My Mind Was Running

So I sat, alone in the coffee shop, the one down that alley flooded with graffiti.

That’s where it hit me.

Sunglasses still on, and my head falling forward. Outweighed by my thoughts, and the bags under my eyes.

My mind was running, and the room was spinning.

It was all because of you. It was all because of it.
Then that song came on.
“You were my best friend, and then you died, and how will I survive, survive, survive, survive?
Oh, how will I survive?”

Just like in the song “you were drifting away. I was sad, and the ocean dripped away.”

That’s what I was thinking.

When you’re gone, who will tell me it’ll all be okay? Because your mind has overflown, and that man is gonna take it all away.

And, I kept thinking.

That when you’re gone, there will be no one to say it’s okay. Your mind will have no thoughts, and your mouth won’t have any words left to say.

But I just want you to fucking stay.

 

 

If These Walls Could Talk

If these walls could talk, I’d hope that they would ask me to stay.
If these walls could talk, I’d hope they’d forgive me, like I forgive them, and tell me it will all be okay.

If these walls could talk, I’d hope they’d help me make it through the night, and remind me that tomorrow will be a brand new day.
If these walls could talk, I’d hope they’d tell me every word I ever wanted you to say.

But these walls are just walls, and I have to remind myself to stop holding on to yesterday.

 

The Boy (2)

You told me that you loved me, and you told me you cared. You told me not to leave, but boy, I’m scared.

You told me it would change, that we’d be okay. But you were no longer, and I am no longer.

The boy I used to know.

 

The Moon

You’re the moon in the morning.
You’re the sun after dark.
Thought you said you were leaving,
but you haven’t gone far.

I’m alone, but then there you are.
Around each corner you hide.

Think I’ve lost you.
I’m running scared.
But, I’ve gone nowhere.

I sleep alone in this bed tonight.
But when I wake, you’re here.

I can’t shake you. I can’t shake this feeling.
I can’t shake you. We just go on repeating.

I can’t shake you. I just can’t shake this feeling.
I can’t shake you. This story is never ending.

I can’t shake you. I can’t shake this feeling.
I can’t shake you. We just go on repeating.

We just go on repeating.

We just go on repeating.

We just go on repeating.

We just go on repeating.

We just go on.

You’re the moon in the morning.
You’re the sun after dark.
So glad that you’re still here, without you I’d fall apart.