HERE, OVER THERE

 

Everyone else was strolling, but I rushed along the peer.
Couples, hand in hand, Mothers pushing their children in prams.
Joggers passing by, two by two, then three, then one, then another two.
They strolled with intent. I rushed without purpose.
I was going nowhere, fast.
It was 9 o’clock at night, but there were people everywhere. You would never see this many people in one place where I come from. Not at this time, anyways.
Where I’m from, people are all the same. Clones. Drones. Blank canvasses. They were blissfully ignorant.
I felt like I was becoming one of them, that’s why I left. I didn’t want to be another empty, mindless doll.
I still feel like that. I still feel empty. But I’d rather feel empty here, than there.
That’s probably why I come here every night. Rushing amongst the people, with their purpose, and me without mine.
Searching.
Searching for something, someone, anyone, or anything.
The lights on the buildings across the water reminded me of myself.
Not who I am, but who I should be.
Where I should be.
The lights were there, across the water, guiding me to myself.
I was on a pathless journey to myself.
I knew what I was. I knew where I was. I just didn’t know how to get there.
I am here, but my mind is over there.
I am here, but I was over there.
I wanted to be here, but I was there.
I am here, over there.
Here, over there.
I am here. I need to get there.
I get to the bridge, and make my way across it. Making my way closer.
Closer to the lights.
Closer to the city.
Closer to myself.
Close, but not close enough.
I continued rushing. Making my way passed the people going in the opposite direction.
Two by two, hand in hand. Group by group.
I didn’t take notice of the ones. They reminded me too much of myself.
This one.
But I wasn’t even that.
I was closer to zero.

 

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